so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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