Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
