Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
