Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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