when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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