That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
