He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
