in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
