): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
