my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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