Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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