Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
