every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
