I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
