How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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