I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
