Do you still have your period?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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