Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
