you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
