My ATM looks so different sober.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
