Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
