When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
