Don't you send me to vm
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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