I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
