Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
