Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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