Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize