she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
