I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
