Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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