Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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