It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
