Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
