ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize