i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
