VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
