I am puke
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
