I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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