Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
