That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
