Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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