found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
