Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
