We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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