Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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