so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize