he thought i was a dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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