I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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