Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
