There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
