Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize