so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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