So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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