The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
