Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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