I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
