I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
