he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What a dumb baby whore.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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