Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
