We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
