Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize