Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
