You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i now understand why vodka
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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