I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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