You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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