I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
