No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
