I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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