i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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