Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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