I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
