im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
