never play flip cup with pint glasses
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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