imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
