Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
