i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
